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*looks out the window*

Somehow, I don't think the world got notified.
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Remember folks, this time next week is the Rapture. Honest. Harold Camping couldn't possibly be wrong again, could he?

(The answer, by the way, is "Fuck yes, he is wrong again.")
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According to Pat Robertson, "Til death do you part" means you can divorce your spouse if they have Alzheimer's because "it's a kind of death".

Now, I don't wish Alzheimer's on anyone. (Okay, that's not true. I don't wish it on anyone other then, say, Pat Robertson, Rush Limbaugh, and several other people...) But damn, man...
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TO RUUUUUUUUMBLE PRAY?

Yes, it's Houston's First (and hopefully last) Annual Jesus-fest. Or Prayerapalooza. Or a complete and utter laughingstock. (Right now, they've got commitments from 8,000 people for a stadium that seats 70,000.)

Whither thou, Anonymous? (No, seriously. I want protestors outside, wearing Guy Fawkes masks and yelling for Perry to 'do a barrel roll'.)

And I don't even live in Texas.
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Remember how much shit the right-wing gave Obama over his choice of church/pastor? Yes, yes, that's correct. Lots of it.

Well, it turns out that the church that Michelle Bachmann just quit (within the last year) believes that the Pope is the Anti-Christ.

So the crazy people think the guy who leads the other crazy people is a very bad crazy person. Got it.
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Pope denounces disintegration of European families.

I mean, really, it's a fifth level spell. Most arcane casters aren't going to be able to cast that more then a handful of times a day, and that's assuming that they don't take any of the other fifth level spells. And frankly, a well trained group of Swiss guards should be able to deal with evil wizards.

The Pope's just getting uppity that clerics don't get nearly the press wizards do.
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It's done and gone 6 p.m. in all of Europe, and not a Rapture in sight. Next up is Iceland, and then parts of North and South America.

I am going to bed. If you do not hear from me again, it means Heaven exists and is prone to clerical errors.

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Point the first: It is friggin' hot out there. Moreso when you're wearing a robe over normal clothes. Since Camping pretty much made this whole damn thing up, he should have put it in a cooler month for the benefit of us who are mocking him. ([personal profile] mithras, you're going to have an easier time of it in a nice air-conditioned mall.)

Point the second: You know, I wasn't expecting Christians on Harleys. It just wasn't something that crossed my mind that I would see today.

Point the third: They didn't bother me so much as the earnest young (okay, middle-aged) man who gave off the creepy psycho vibe. (And I think I remember him from the Tea Party rally some weeks ago.) To note, the black plastic-frame glasses look dumb as hell on hipsters, and creepy-psycho on anyone else.

Point the fourth: RAPTURE! PHYSICAL PROOF!



....

Oh wait, it was Jesus. Doesn't count.
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Apparently, the Rapture isn't supposed to happen until 6 p.m., although whether that's local time or what, I haven't a clue. I'm going to be asleep then anyway (after a difficult morning of being a fake Jesus), so ehhh.

But since it's not actually going to happen, it doesn't matter.

Here's a question, though. What is Harold Camping (aka the nutter who started this mess), going to tell his followers/listeners on the 22nd? I mean, assuming he doesn't just drop the microphone during the broadcast, pretend to be raptured, and flee the country to someplace sunny and warm, where brown-skinned beauties will ignore his age and decrepitude given enough financial incentive? (Actually, that's not fair to the brown-skinned beauties. I'm not sure Camping has enough money to entice them.)

But what (if anything) will he say? "I'm sorry, I was wrong?" Don't hold your breath waiting for that one to happen.

"My calculations were off, the Rapture is X many days/months away!" Possible, but it still leaves the admission of error.

"Only those in true need were saved. The Lord Jesus Christ wants me to minister to the rest of you until the end comes." I figure it's going to be something like that. I mean, if the head of the Family Radio Network doesn't disappear in a giant whooshing sound and an aura of light, he's got to have some sort of explanation ready.

"Why wasn't I Raptured? Oh wait, the Tijuana hookers and the dead nun stuffed full of heroin. I thought I apologized for that, O Lord." Heh. It would be amusing as hell to find out that Camping listed all of his sins when he doesn't find himself at the right hand of God, but I don't see him cracking like that.

Funny to think about, though.
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If I wake up and find that large portions of the world's population have just up and vanished....

well, honestly, I'll be shocked. I mean, I'm pretty much an atheist, due to logic and all. (For example, if only someone who believes in God in the 'proper Christian and/or Jewish way' goes to Heaven, doesn't that pretty much mean that 2000+ years of Egyptian civilization that existed prior to the advent of Judaism were automatically fucked over? Doesn't sound like a 'kind and loving God' to me. Of course, that was the Old Testament days, before God found religion, so....)

and I'll probably feel like a bit of a shit for dressing up as Jesus the day before and carrying a sign saying "IF YOU CAN READ THIS, YOU WEREN'T RAPTURED."

and then I'll want to see just how many of the church folks come into the store in the morning. (See, one of my big problems with 'organized religion' is that it isn't very organized.)
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Okay, I had a couple pictures taken at a nearby shop (the proprietor of which will not be in town when I do my "Rapture Day" walkabout, so I promised to show her the costume before then).



And in a more "Buddy Christ" pose



And yes, I am going to be trimming my beard back a bit, so I look a little less like "hillbilly Jesus".
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Yes, I am going to go through with dressing up as Jesus on May 21st, and walk around downtown Columbia, carrying a variety of signs. (For those who don't know, there is a Christian sect that earnestly believes that the Rapture will happen on May 21st. Why May 21st? Who the fuck knows....)

Of course, I need ideas for signs. I want to have at least a dozen possible signs, and winnow it down to 4 or 5.

Ones I have so far:

"The Rapture has been cancelled due to lack of interest."
"There's more to the Bible then that one part of Leviticus you all love to quote."
"PANIC NOW! The Rapture is here! ....just kidding!"

And yes, I realize that given that this is the Deep South, nay the buckle of the Bible Belt itself, there is a decent chance that people might give me shit over this when I'm walking around. There's also the possibility that people might get angry at me, and be violent. I'm willing to take that risk, simply for the amusement factor of mocking the religiously credulous.

So, more sign ideas anyone?

*sigh*

Mar. 23rd, 2011 09:54 am
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More "Obama must be a secret Muslim" crap from Franklin Graham, son of evangelist Billy Graham.

OH NOES! TEH MUZLIMS ARE TEH SCARY! BOOGA BOOGA BOOGA!

Right, because Christians have never done anything violent, nasty or brutish in the name of God, ever. Just ignore practically every Crusade, the Hundred Years' War, the Inquisition, the problems in Ireland, and oh yes, the massive numbers of paedophile priests.

Gotta love this quote at the end of the article though...
"We certainly love the Muslim people," Graham said in an earlier interview with Newsmax. "But that is not the faith of this country. And that is not the religion that built this nation. The people of the Christian faith and the Jewish faith are the ones who built America, and it is not Islam."

Yeah, that "Freedom of Religion" is so over-rated for non-Christians anyway.
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As I was explaining to my room-mate, this "the Rapture is happening on May 21, 2011" nonsense is a win-win situation.

Either....

1) The Rapture occurs, and I am one of those 'raptured' (which would be highly unlikely, but bear with me), and I don't have to deal with this crap anymore. (aka a 'win')

2) The Rapture occurs, and I am not one of those 'raptured', which means I don't have to deal with a segment of the population (those that were 'raptured') any more.

Plus the side benefit of the schadenfreude of watching those who thought they should have been 'raptured' but weren't.

or

3) The Rapture doesn't happen (by and far the most likely, approaching 100%), and I get the schadenfreude of pointing and laughing at those sad fuckwits who thought that JEEEEEEEEEESUS was coming for them on May 21.

(On another plus note, May 21st is a Saturday, so regardless, there's going to be some interesting things said in some churches the next day.)

OH NOES!

Jan. 3rd, 2011 09:33 pm
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THE END IS NIGH! And by nigh, we mean "In May".

Because that whole "no man knoweth the hour or the day" is just bullshit, you know. I will give the one chick a slight amount of credit in admitting that if she's still here after 'the Rapture', it means she wasn't saved, not that they're completely full of shit. Of course, they are still looney as fuck, but at least one of them is admitting that JEEEEESUS may not pick her.

Man, what?

Nov. 24th, 2010 08:21 am
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So, it's not enough that this priest sexually abused a teenage boy... after being arrested on the sexual abuse charges, and being released on bail, the priest tried to put a hit on his abuse victim.

And watch, it will still probably take years to defrock this son of a bitch.
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Christine O'Donnell, the Republican nominee for Senate in Delaware who has already shown quite a bit of batshit crazy in old clips from Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher said she became a Christian because of her love of Italian food.
"I would have become a Hare Krishna, but I didn't want to become a vegetarian," O'Donnell said in an interview with Bill Maher in 1999. "And that is honestly the reason why, because I'm Italian and I love meatballs."
Yeah, set aside any crisis of faith, or a desire to find one's place in the universe, or even a desire to understand what it all means.

It's all about the meatballs.

You know, I suppose Delaware should consider themselves lucky that Scientology wasn't doing a double hoagie night when she was trying to find herself.
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Okay, so there's this guy in Australia who decided to smoke hand-rolled cigarettes using pages from the Quran and the Bible as rolling papers. (link yoinked from [personal profile] tmofee)

This, of course, prompted umbrage from various religious leaders saying it was a horrible thing to do this to "two of the holiest books in the world".

Now, I disagree.

I'm not saying you should use pages of the Bible/Quran/tenets of the Flying Spaghetti Monster as rolling papers. But I'm not saying it because, well, the inks and bleaches and whatnot on the printed pages might fuck up the taste of your cigarettes.

What I mainly disagree with is that the pages from the Bible and Quran that were used were two of the holiest books. It's more accurate to say that they are copies of the modern translations of two of the holiest books.

By now, you're probably wondering where science comes into this.

Well, it stands to reason (ha ha, reason and religion...) that just any old copy of just any old book is NOT holy. No one, save perhaps an introverted grammar professor, would get upset if you used a page of the OED as a rolling paper. Likewise with a page out of, say, a random work of fiction.

But the same printing processes are used to make Bibles and oh, copies of Harry Potter books. Wood is pulped and processed to make paper, chemicals and dyes are combined to make inks. Inks are applied to paper in a highly automated process, the resulting pages are cut, bound, boxed up and shipped to bookstores.

So, we must ask as men of science, where does the holy come in? Is there some special blessed bleach used on the paper specifically for Bibles? Does a priest bless the ink? Are the people who run the machines sanctioned by Holy Mother Church?

No? Hrm.

More research is obviously required.
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General Petraeus to Quran burning fundies: CUT IT OUT YOU ASSHOLES!

Okay, I'm paraphrasing.

See, he's got a point, though. His job, and the job of the troops in Afghanistan and Iraq, and really elsewhere in the world is hard enough without a group of shit-ticks in our country burning copies of the Quran. And yes, if they go through with it, it's sure to lead to Muslim extremists using it as propaganda against us, and it's sure to drive some Muslims into the arms of the extremists.

There's just one problem with Petraeus trying to get them to back off from doing this. They don't care. This is the group that has had lawn signs and t-shirts saying "Islam is of the devil", AND they're one of the few groups who endorse the Westboro Baptist Church (who are a completely different group of shit-ticks).

*sigh*

Here's hoping they don't go through with it. Or that they get arrested while trying to do it.
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Catholic Church defends their position in not ordaining women.

Barring women from being Catholic priests is not the result of sexism 2,000 years ago, it's because women cannot fulfill a basic function of the priesthood, "standing in the place of Jesus," a leading British Catholic thinker argued Monday.

He went on to say that the Catholic Church would get back to us on that whole "molesting children" thing. (Yes, still ripping off this, from waaaaay before he started drawing cats.)
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I said that the "Ground Zero" mosque had cleared the last bureaucratic hurdle to begin construction? (You know, yesterday?)

Yeah.... seems a bunch of assholes (led by Pat Robertson, no less), plan to file suit, claiming that the building in question actually does deserve landmark status, and thus, a mosque can't be built there.

On one hand, this is shrewd. This is about the only possible tactic they could take which wouldn't get them laughed out of court for violating "freedom of religion". And this building has been there since 1858 (info taken from the first paragraph of this article.)

On the other hand, considering that NO ONE KNOWS WHO THE ARCHITECT WAS, it's kind of hard to say whether it should be a landmark or not. Yeah, if it was designed by a famous architect, that would be a point in it's favor.

But considering that these assholes are not protesting because a 'historic old building is being torn down', but because a mosque is going up in it's place.... well, this suit should be shot down as quick as fucking possible.

Edit: Oh yeah, and it turns out that a couple of those "dangerous Muslims who won't 'refudiate' the mosque" are actually moderates, have openly condemned Al-Qaeda, and they're Sufi (which is the most accommodating of all branches of Islam). But hey, why let facts get in the way of a good blind hate, amirite?
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this morning, as I was leaving the nearby CVS, a man insisted on handing me a copy of "The Watchtower".

I've apparently shifted back to the 'state of being' of looking like I need more Jesus in my life.
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Many of us have read the stories about how the Pope, back before he was Pope, stalled at least a couple cases of the Catholic church dealing with paedophiles within their ranks.

Here's another one: A California priest who was convicted of child molestation and asked for his own defrocking remained a priest for five and a half years afterwards.

But remember, this is all petty gossip trying to bring down the church, and such allegations are analogous to anti-Semitism.
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Federal Judge nixes South Carolina's Christian imagery license tags.

For the record, the reason there was such a fuss over these things is that the South Carolina state legislature passed a bill to create the new license tags. Which is a violation of church and state. If it had been a private group doing it, there would have been no problem. (State law allows private groups to create specialty plates as long as they first collect either a $4,000 deposit or 400 prepaid orders.)

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