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Today is the apocalypse!
*looks out the window*
Somehow, I don't think the world got notified.
Somehow, I don't think the world got notified.
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Oh yeah, right.
Remember folks, this time next week is the Rapture. Honest. Harold Camping couldn't possibly be wrong again, could he?
(The answer, by the way, is "Fuck yes, he is wrong again.")
(The answer, by the way, is "Fuck yes, he is wrong again.")
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Thy hypocrisy knows no bounds
According to Pat Robertson, "Til death do you part" means you can divorce your spouse if they have Alzheimer's because "it's a kind of death".
Now, I don't wish Alzheimer's on anyone. (Okay, that's not true. I don't wish it on anyone other then, say, Pat Robertson, Rush Limbaugh, and several other people...) But damn, man...
Now, I don't wish Alzheimer's on anyone. (Okay, that's not true. I don't wish it on anyone other then, say, Pat Robertson, Rush Limbaugh, and several other people...) But damn, man...
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Houston, are you ready?
TO RUUUUUUUUMBLE PRAY?
Yes, it's Houston's First (and hopefully last) Annual Jesus-fest. Or Prayerapalooza. Or a complete and utter laughingstock. (Right now, they've got commitments from 8,000 people for a stadium that seats 70,000.)
Whither thou, Anonymous? (No, seriously. I want protestors outside, wearing Guy Fawkes masks and yelling for Perry to 'do a barrel roll'.)
And I don't even live in Texas.
Yes, it's Houston's First (and hopefully last) Annual Jesus-fest. Or Prayerapalooza. Or a complete and utter laughingstock. (Right now, they've got commitments from 8,000 people for a stadium that seats 70,000.)
Whither thou, Anonymous? (No, seriously. I want protestors outside, wearing Guy Fawkes masks and yelling for Perry to 'do a barrel roll'.)
And I don't even live in Texas.
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Because it makes the baby Jesus cry
Conservative group is suing to overturn the law allowing gay marriage in New York.
Because when you're suing to remove rights from people, you know your cause is just.
Because when you're suing to remove rights from people, you know your cause is just.
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Right! So...
Remember how much shit the right-wing gave Obama over his choice of church/pastor? Yes, yes, that's correct. Lots of it.
Well, it turns out that the church that Michelle Bachmann just quit (within the last year) believes that the Pope is the Anti-Christ.
So the crazy people think the guy who leads the other crazy people is a very bad crazy person. Got it.
Well, it turns out that the church that Michelle Bachmann just quit (within the last year) believes that the Pope is the Anti-Christ.
So the crazy people think the guy who leads the other crazy people is a very bad crazy person. Got it.
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What's the problem here?
Pope denounces disintegration of European families.
I mean, really, it's a fifth level spell. Most arcane casters aren't going to be able to cast that more then a handful of times a day, and that's assuming that they don't take any of the other fifth level spells. And frankly, a well trained group of Swiss guards should be able to deal with evil wizards.
The Pope's just getting uppity that clerics don't get nearly the press wizards do.
I mean, really, it's a fifth level spell. Most arcane casters aren't going to be able to cast that more then a handful of times a day, and that's assuming that they don't take any of the other fifth level spells. And frankly, a well trained group of Swiss guards should be able to deal with evil wizards.
The Pope's just getting uppity that clerics don't get nearly the press wizards do.
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Alas, poor Camping...
It's done and gone 6 p.m. in all of Europe, and not a Rapture in sight. Next up is Iceland, and then parts of North and South America.
I am going to bed. If you do not hear from me again, it means Heaven exists and is prone to clerical errors.
I am going to bed. If you do not hear from me again, it means Heaven exists and is prone to clerical errors.
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And I'm back
Point the first: It is friggin' hot out there. Moreso when you're wearing a robe over normal clothes. Since Camping pretty much made this whole damn thing up, he should have put it in a cooler month for the benefit of us who are mocking him. (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
mithras, you're going to have an easier time of it in a nice air-conditioned mall.)
Point the second: You know, I wasn't expecting Christians on Harleys. It just wasn't something that crossed my mind that I would see today.
Point the third: They didn't bother me so much as the earnest young (okay, middle-aged) man who gave off the creepy psycho vibe. (And I think I remember him from the Tea Party rally some weeks ago.) To note, the black plastic-frame glasses look dumb as hell on hipsters, and creepy-psycho on anyone else.
Point the fourth: RAPTURE! PHYSICAL PROOF!
....
Oh wait, it was Jesus. Doesn't count.
mithras, you're going to have an easier time of it in a nice air-conditioned mall.)Point the second: You know, I wasn't expecting Christians on Harleys. It just wasn't something that crossed my mind that I would see today.
Point the third: They didn't bother me so much as the earnest young (okay, middle-aged) man who gave off the creepy psycho vibe. (And I think I remember him from the Tea Party rally some weeks ago.) To note, the black plastic-frame glasses look dumb as hell on hipsters, and creepy-psycho on anyone else.
Point the fourth: RAPTURE! PHYSICAL PROOF!
....
Oh wait, it was Jesus. Doesn't count.
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So, tomorrow is "Rapture Day"
Apparently, the Rapture isn't supposed to happen until 6 p.m., although whether that's local time or what, I haven't a clue. I'm going to be asleep then anyway (after a difficult morning of being a fake Jesus), so ehhh.
But since it's not actually going to happen, it doesn't matter.
Here's a question, though. What is Harold Camping (aka the nutter who started this mess), going to tell his followers/listeners on the 22nd? I mean, assuming he doesn't just drop the microphone during the broadcast, pretend to be raptured, and flee the country to someplace sunny and warm, where brown-skinned beauties will ignore his age and decrepitude given enough financial incentive? (Actually, that's not fair to the brown-skinned beauties. I'm not sure Camping has enough money to entice them.)
But what (if anything) will he say? "I'm sorry, I was wrong?" Don't hold your breath waiting for that one to happen.
"My calculations were off, the Rapture is X many days/months away!" Possible, but it still leaves the admission of error.
"Only those in true need were saved. The Lord Jesus Christ wants me to minister to the rest of you until the end comes." I figure it's going to be something like that. I mean, if the head of the Family Radio Network doesn't disappear in a giant whooshing sound and an aura of light, he's got to have some sort of explanation ready.
"Why wasn't I Raptured? Oh wait, the Tijuana hookers and the dead nun stuffed full of heroin. I thought I apologized for that, O Lord." Heh. It would be amusing as hell to find out that Camping listed all of his sins when he doesn't find himself at the right hand of God, but I don't see him cracking like that.
Funny to think about, though.
But since it's not actually going to happen, it doesn't matter.
Here's a question, though. What is Harold Camping (aka the nutter who started this mess), going to tell his followers/listeners on the 22nd? I mean, assuming he doesn't just drop the microphone during the broadcast, pretend to be raptured, and flee the country to someplace sunny and warm, where brown-skinned beauties will ignore his age and decrepitude given enough financial incentive? (Actually, that's not fair to the brown-skinned beauties. I'm not sure Camping has enough money to entice them.)
But what (if anything) will he say? "I'm sorry, I was wrong?" Don't hold your breath waiting for that one to happen.
"My calculations were off, the Rapture is X many days/months away!" Possible, but it still leaves the admission of error.
"Only those in true need were saved. The Lord Jesus Christ wants me to minister to the rest of you until the end comes." I figure it's going to be something like that. I mean, if the head of the Family Radio Network doesn't disappear in a giant whooshing sound and an aura of light, he's got to have some sort of explanation ready.
"Why wasn't I Raptured? Oh wait, the Tijuana hookers and the dead nun stuffed full of heroin. I thought I apologized for that, O Lord." Heh. It would be amusing as hell to find out that Camping listed all of his sins when he doesn't find himself at the right hand of God, but I don't see him cracking like that.
Funny to think about, though.
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Rapture meme
If I wake up and find that large portions of the world's population have just up and vanished....
well, honestly, I'll be shocked. I mean, I'm pretty much an atheist, due to logic and all. (For example, if only someone who believes in God in the 'proper Christian and/or Jewish way' goes to Heaven, doesn't that pretty much mean that 2000+ years of Egyptian civilization that existed prior to the advent of Judaism were automatically fucked over? Doesn't sound like a 'kind and loving God' to me. Of course, that was the Old Testament days, before God found religion, so....)
and I'll probably feel like a bit of a shit for dressing up as Jesus the day before and carrying a sign saying "IF YOU CAN READ THIS, YOU WEREN'T RAPTURED."
and then I'll want to see just how many of the church folks come into the store in the morning. (See, one of my big problems with 'organized religion' is that it isn't very organized.)
well, honestly, I'll be shocked. I mean, I'm pretty much an atheist, due to logic and all. (For example, if only someone who believes in God in the 'proper Christian and/or Jewish way' goes to Heaven, doesn't that pretty much mean that 2000+ years of Egyptian civilization that existed prior to the advent of Judaism were automatically fucked over? Doesn't sound like a 'kind and loving God' to me. Of course, that was the Old Testament days, before God found religion, so....)
and I'll probably feel like a bit of a shit for dressing up as Jesus the day before and carrying a sign saying "IF YOU CAN READ THIS, YOU WEREN'T RAPTURED."
and then I'll want to see just how many of the church folks come into the store in the morning. (See, one of my big problems with 'organized religion' is that it isn't very organized.)
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Jesus costume
Okay, I had a couple pictures taken at a nearby shop (the proprietor of which will not be in town when I do my "Rapture Day" walkabout, so I promised to show her the costume before then).
And in a more "Buddy Christ" pose
And yes, I am going to be trimming my beard back a bit, so I look a little less like "hillbilly Jesus".
And in a more "Buddy Christ" pose
And yes, I am going to be trimming my beard back a bit, so I look a little less like "hillbilly Jesus".
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So, I've decided...
Yes, I am going to go through with dressing up as Jesus on May 21st, and walk around downtown Columbia, carrying a variety of signs. (For those who don't know, there is a Christian sect that earnestly believes that the Rapture will happen on May 21st. Why May 21st? Who the fuck knows....)
Of course, I need ideas for signs. I want to have at least a dozen possible signs, and winnow it down to 4 or 5.
Ones I have so far:
"The Rapture has been cancelled due to lack of interest."
"There's more to the Bible then that one part of Leviticus you all love to quote."
"PANIC NOW! The Rapture is here! ....just kidding!"
And yes, I realize that given that this is the Deep South, nay the buckle of the Bible Belt itself, there is a decent chance that people might give me shit over this when I'm walking around. There's also the possibility that people might get angry at me, and be violent. I'm willing to take that risk, simply for the amusement factor of mocking the religiously credulous.
So, more sign ideas anyone?
Of course, I need ideas for signs. I want to have at least a dozen possible signs, and winnow it down to 4 or 5.
Ones I have so far:
"The Rapture has been cancelled due to lack of interest."
"There's more to the Bible then that one part of Leviticus you all love to quote."
"PANIC NOW! The Rapture is here! ....just kidding!"
And yes, I realize that given that this is the Deep South, nay the buckle of the Bible Belt itself, there is a decent chance that people might give me shit over this when I'm walking around. There's also the possibility that people might get angry at me, and be violent. I'm willing to take that risk, simply for the amusement factor of mocking the religiously credulous.
So, more sign ideas anyone?
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*sigh*
More "Obama must be a secret Muslim" crap from Franklin Graham, son of evangelist Billy Graham.
OH NOES! TEH MUZLIMS ARE TEH SCARY! BOOGA BOOGA BOOGA!
Right, because Christians have never done anything violent, nasty or brutish in the name of God, ever. Just ignore practically every Crusade, the Hundred Years' War, the Inquisition, the problems in Ireland, and oh yes, the massive numbers of paedophile priests.
Gotta love this quote at the end of the article though...
Yeah, that "Freedom of Religion" is so over-rated for non-Christians anyway.
OH NOES! TEH MUZLIMS ARE TEH SCARY! BOOGA BOOGA BOOGA!
Right, because Christians have never done anything violent, nasty or brutish in the name of God, ever. Just ignore practically every Crusade, the Hundred Years' War, the Inquisition, the problems in Ireland, and oh yes, the massive numbers of paedophile priests.
Gotta love this quote at the end of the article though...
"We certainly love the Muslim people," Graham said in an earlier interview with Newsmax. "But that is not the faith of this country. And that is not the religion that built this nation. The people of the Christian faith and the Jewish faith are the ones who built America, and it is not Islam."
Yeah, that "Freedom of Religion" is so over-rated for non-Christians anyway.