Rantings of a Bastard

So, there's going to be a new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie... and it's going to be directed by Michael Bay.

So, needless to say, there will somehow be explosions caused by shuriken, superfluous explosions at that, covering over plot holes like explosions were made of wallpaper and the script was dry-wall.

Oh, and the turtles will be aliens.

Yeah.

You know what? Fuck you, Michael Bay. (Even one of the creators, Peter Laird, is on the fence on the matter, saying while it could be awesome, fans need to "wait and see what might come out of this seemingly ill-conceived plan.")

It's more then two years before The Avengers comes out, and I'm half-convinced it's going to suck.

And no, this isn't just a "Joss Whedon is directing, so it's going to suck" thing. I like Firefly. I liked Serenity. I didn't watch Buffy or Angel, but I wasn't the target demographic for that.

But I digress.

See, Iron Man was good. Hell, it was damn good. Iron Man 2 wasn't as good, but really, I think that was more because the creation of the Iron Man armor and the interaction with Jeff Bridges as Obidiah Stane (HE BUILT THIS IN A CAVE!) was better then the interaction with Sam Rockwell as Justin Hammer. Stane was a villain. Hammer was a weasel.

Likewise, the Captain America movie is going to have Hugo Fucking Weaving as the Red Skull. (Thank God they're not going with Baron Zemo as the villain.) So there's bound to be some fucking awesome scenes there.

The Thor movie? Well, Loki is bound to be the main bad guy, but you have Anthony Hopkins playing Odin. So that should be interesting.

But why do I think the Avengers is going to suck? Well, in each of the lead-in movies, there's generally one guy you can point to and say, "that's the villain, that's the guy who really has to challenge the hero".

For Iron Man it was Obidiah Stane (first movie) and Whiplash (second movie).
For Captain America, it's going to be the Red Skull.
For Thor, it's going to be Loki.

For the Avengers, it's going to be.....

.....
.....

Well, we don't know. The problem is, to fight a hero team, you generally need a villain team. Even Magneto had minions with him in the X-Men movies, although he could have easily bitch-slapped the entire team.

The thing is, the early "Avengers foes as a team" are.... The Masters of Evil. No offense, but a lot of those guys sucked. The Black Knight had a winged horse and a lance that fired force bolts. Skurge was like a half-strength version of Thor. The Melter... bwahahaha.... sorry... he went on to such fame as being killed by the Scourge of the Underworld in a throw-away panel. Radioactive Man generally ended up being more of a danger to his teammates. And they were led (initially) by Baron Zemo, who as already mentioned, thankfully did not make the villain cut to be in the Captain America movie. (Well, at least as the main villain.)

I mean, movie audiences are willing to look past a lot of things, but not a guy wearing a pink stocking cap over his head. He's the Aryan version of Dumb Donald from Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids.

About the only way the movie could not suck is if the Hulk is 'the bad guy', because it would take all the rest of them to stop him. (Although I daresay that the Black Widow ain't going to be doing a whole lot to the Hulk.)

We'll have to see...