Dear stupid, drunk, stoned and/or paranoid people

[kierthos]

Stay the fuck out of my store.

1) Stupid: nuuuuuuuurrrrrr.... I waited until the day before I needed these 42 different files printed out, so I can sign one page on each file, then hand them back to you so you can make copies of them. nuuuuuuuuurrrrrr.... the person e-mailing the files has been trying to send them for 7 hours. (Here's a hint, asshole. Next time, have them courier a CD to you the day before. Or drive down. It's a 3-4 hour trip, and you wouldn't have been spazzing out every five minutes for the three hours you were here.)

2) Drunk/Stoned: Dude, do you sell cigarettes/rolling papers/beer here? (Hey! Clueless fuck! This is a copy center. The Shell station is around the corner, you fucking jackass.)

3) Paranoid: This was a new one for me. Luckily, this was all on the phone.

Customer: If I send a fax from here, will they be able to tell who it's from?
Me: Well, if you fill out a cover sheet....
Customer: No, I don't want them to know who it's from.
Me: Ooookay. Is your name on it?
Customer: No.
Me: Anything that could identify you? Your address, social security number, things like that?
Customer: No.
Me: Do you care if they know it came from a Kinko's?
Customer: What do you mean?
Me: It's going to have our fax number on it when they get it. There's no way around that.
Customer: Oh, that's fine.
Me: Anything else?
Customer: Washington, DC is long distance, right?
Me: ........ yes.

(Oh good. An anonymous fax to DC. I just wonder what this could be.)

Comments

[gothiqroze.livejournal.com]

that was my cousin Akhmed. Don't worry, the Lebanese ones resort to food. "Give me the President or I'll stuff you with Baklava" or something. :)

[kierthos.livejournal.com]

Honestly, I don't have nearly the problem understanding or helping the foreign exchange students as I do the home-grown customers. I mean, at least if the guy from Pakistan doesn't know the word lamination, he can at least tell me what he wants. (As opposed to the guy who wanted a lamination but said he wanted a transparency.)

[gothiqroze.livejournal.com]

oh, that's just American idiots for you. Saying big words makes them sound smart, even if totally inappropriate to their needs. What he should have said was "lobotomy"

[egearman.livejournal.com]

Unfortunately, they never indicate which is their dominant eye, so he's unwilling to use the brain spoon without that knowledge.

[gothiqroze.livejournal.com]

LOL!! Just spork it. Geek style, srsly.

[egearman.livejournal.com]

Unfortunately, sporks have been forbidden at Kinko's since the Meatloaf Incident of 2004. Not to be confused with the Salisbury Steak Incident of 2002.