Science, fuck yeah!

Scientists may (I repeat, MAY) have found a way to stop, and possibly reverse male pattern baldness.

Cancer? Fuck that. That's not where the money is. (I'm being only slightly facetious. There is quite probably a shitpile of money involved in cancer research. But there's also several shitpiles of money to be made in protecting male egos from the panic of bald spots.)

Heh

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uh.... no

So, there's going to be a new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie... and it's going to be directed by Michael Bay.

So, needless to say, there will somehow be explosions caused by shuriken, superfluous explosions at that, covering over plot holes like explosions were made of wallpaper and the script was dry-wall.

Oh, and the turtles will be aliens.

Yeah.

You know what? Fuck you, Michael Bay. (Even one of the creators, Peter Laird, is on the fence on the matter, saying while it could be awesome, fans need to "wait and see what might come out of this seemingly ill-conceived plan.")

Forgot about this

So, when I went to see John Carter last Sunday, there were naturally some movie previews.

A couple animated movies (Brave and Paranorman) neither of which I'm likely to see until they come out on DVD, and maybe not even then.

There was the obligatory Avengers preview (and gee, what a shock, the other third shifter doesn't want to trade work days with me so I can see the movie the night it comes out... because he's going to be seeing it the night it comes out. Can't say I blame him.)

And then, there was the preview for Lockout. Imagine a super-secure prison in orbit around Earth. For some fucking reason, the President's daughter is up there for some sort of... I don't know... sociology project? Fuck it, not important. Naturally, prisoners escape, take over the station, the daughter is held hostage, and oh yeah, it's going to de-orbit and burn up.

Just as naturally, someone has to go rescue the daughter, right? Because she's the President's daughter. And there's, even more just as naturally, a lone wolf of a character who is forced to take this job to not go to jail. This is the point where both I and my friend Chris (who went with me to see John Carter) look at each other and say "Call me Snake."

Yeah, it's easily the plot of Escape from New York or Escape from L.A., but without Kurt Russell, alas. (Guy Pearce instead.) I'm fully expecting that if this movie catches the attention of the folks over at RiffTrax, the comparison will be made, repeatedly.

Honestly, I doubt I'll see this one either. The only movies I'm looking forward to are Avengers and Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter.

Having stopped all crime in Maricopa County

(oh wait, he hasn't)

Joe Arpaio, ancient birther nimrod extraordinaire, has requested that the Director of the U.S. Selective Service look at the authenticity of President Obama's Selective Service registration card from 1980.