A rant, in rhyme

[kierthos]

On the subject of Keanu Reeves playing John Constantine:

You cannot act, you little git,
You cannot act, one little bit.
Your acting wooden, your delivery archaic,
Your characters really quite prosaic.

From Speed to Matrix to Bill and Ted,
Your lines the same, how strange,
Your characters inside seem dead,
From film to film, your lines you rearrange.

"Whoa!" "Dude", this is your goal?
And you think to play a Brit?
Whoever cast you in this role,
Quite frankly, is full of shit.

I will not watch Constantine,
No, not even if it were free,
Better that it go unseen,
At, least, it's better for me.

I urge you all not to go,
Spend your money on another flick,
For if my advice you forego,
This film will no doubt make you sick.

Comments

Should I be impressed?

[egearman.livejournal.com]

Did you come up with this on your own? I will admit my own attempts at poetry are nothing more than crap, including the PoS I used ad NERO to get Vine out of the tree she was stuck in.

Re: Should I be impressed?

[kierthos.livejournal.com]

No, you're not required to be impressed, or to comment, or anything actually. I simply felt like expressing my displeasure at having one of the worst "big budget" actors being cast in a role he is clearly not suited for. (The Americanization of the Constantine role irks me to no end as well.) And I felt the need to put it up for everyone to see. Frankly, I think it beats my "work sucks, and the customers are morons" posts that I routinely do, hands down, any day of the week.

And actually, I recall hearing that the others on the module were quite impressed with your extemporaneous poetry. (Maybe not with the result, considering what a pain in the arse Vine was....)