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Top 10 Kinko's Morons of 2003
As I only work one more day before 2004 starts, and considering how slow it's been at work lately, I doubt anyone or anything will beat out anything on the current list.
So, without further ado (and I don't mind if I do), the LJ-Cut of DOOM!
Note: All of these are based on customers, or composites of customers for the more popular idiocies.
#10: By dint of "popularity", the 4 a.m. phone calls asking if we're open. (No sir, I'm looting the place. Call the police.)
#9: The customer is always right, so we must be lying when we say that whatever six-month old change to the store, the pricing, or the staff was, yes indeedy, there last week.
#8: "Do you sell cigarettes/pre-paid phone cards/beer?" No, moron, this is a Kinko's, not a convienence store. Like the one around the corner. That has a glowing sign.
#7: If I tell a customer "We can't do that.", it obviously means 'argue with me for another 10 minutes because even though I've worked here for three years, you, the clueless ass on the other side of the counter, know more about what we do then I do.' Really. It does.
#6: Also by dint of popularity, (and sponsored by Tylenol) "You don't know what you're doing! You're doing it wrong!" type of moron, who apparently thinks that I'm good enough to hand their copies to, but not good enough to actually run their copies.
#5: "I want 15,000 copies of this form, and I want it in 10 minutes." Yes, sir. And I want a pony. Neither is likely to happen.
#4: "I get a discount, because I think I should have one!" No, sorry, you don't. (Yes, we have customers who think they don't have to pay full price because of their own delusions. We're dealing with them, one at a time, by shattering their little dreams.)
#3: The ever popular "thinks they/their child is a copier technician or computer repair technician and sees no problem with opening up the machines and playing with the parts." People like this are why we have a hammer in the store. It's also why they won't let me near the hammer.
#2: "I have no idea what program this file is in, or even if you support it or the myriad fonts I included for absolutely no reason, but I'm going to harrass you for 15 minutes (at least), and any mistakes are obviously your fault, rather then the fault of the moron who made the file." No ma'am. And oddly enough, we don't support software whose last version was made in the 1980s.
And #1: "Do you work here?" I was once asked this by a customer at a time when the only people in the store are me, her, and her child. To further the idiocy, I am, at the time, wearing an apron with the company logo on it, over a shirt with the company logo on it, and struggling with a 40 pound and very unwieldly roll of lamination.
Of course, I've also been asked this when walking into the store in street clothes, because I've walked up to a copier and started using it without having to call for assistance or sacrifice a small animal to the gods in order to receive wisdom, so therefore, I must work here.
Nonetheless, Mrs. Whoever-the-Hell-you-were, you are the #1 moron of the year, as far as I am concerned.
So, without further ado (and I don't mind if I do), the LJ-Cut of DOOM!
Note: All of these are based on customers, or composites of customers for the more popular idiocies.
#10: By dint of "popularity", the 4 a.m. phone calls asking if we're open. (No sir, I'm looting the place. Call the police.)
#9: The customer is always right, so we must be lying when we say that whatever six-month old change to the store, the pricing, or the staff was, yes indeedy, there last week.
#8: "Do you sell cigarettes/pre-paid phone cards/beer?" No, moron, this is a Kinko's, not a convienence store. Like the one around the corner. That has a glowing sign.
#7: If I tell a customer "We can't do that.", it obviously means 'argue with me for another 10 minutes because even though I've worked here for three years, you, the clueless ass on the other side of the counter, know more about what we do then I do.' Really. It does.
#6: Also by dint of popularity, (and sponsored by Tylenol) "You don't know what you're doing! You're doing it wrong!" type of moron, who apparently thinks that I'm good enough to hand their copies to, but not good enough to actually run their copies.
#5: "I want 15,000 copies of this form, and I want it in 10 minutes." Yes, sir. And I want a pony. Neither is likely to happen.
#4: "I get a discount, because I think I should have one!" No, sorry, you don't. (Yes, we have customers who think they don't have to pay full price because of their own delusions. We're dealing with them, one at a time, by shattering their little dreams.)
#3: The ever popular "thinks they/their child is a copier technician or computer repair technician and sees no problem with opening up the machines and playing with the parts." People like this are why we have a hammer in the store. It's also why they won't let me near the hammer.
#2: "I have no idea what program this file is in, or even if you support it or the myriad fonts I included for absolutely no reason, but I'm going to harrass you for 15 minutes (at least), and any mistakes are obviously your fault, rather then the fault of the moron who made the file." No ma'am. And oddly enough, we don't support software whose last version was made in the 1980s.
And #1: "Do you work here?" I was once asked this by a customer at a time when the only people in the store are me, her, and her child. To further the idiocy, I am, at the time, wearing an apron with the company logo on it, over a shirt with the company logo on it, and struggling with a 40 pound and very unwieldly roll of lamination.
Of course, I've also been asked this when walking into the store in street clothes, because I've walked up to a copier and started using it without having to call for assistance or sacrifice a small animal to the gods in order to receive wisdom, so therefore, I must work here.
Nonetheless, Mrs. Whoever-the-Hell-you-were, you are the #1 moron of the year, as far as I am concerned.
no subject
"And #1: "Do you work here?" I was once asked this by a customer at a time when the only people in the store are me, her, and her child. To further the idiocy, I am, at the time, wearing an apron with the company logo on it, over a shirt with the company logo on it, and struggling with a 40 pound and very unwieldly roll of lamination."
Thanks for the laughs.
no subject
Of course, you wouldn't be working there very long.
"Do you work here?" Nope. I'm an axe murderer, killed the poor sap who works here and am stalking you and your child for my own heinous desires. This your address at the top of this work order? Here's your sign.