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Transformers musings
I've probably going to have to wait for the movie to come out on DVD before I see it, but I was thinking about Transformers today.
Mind you, this was more with the old cartoon in mind then anything else...
How did Starscream live as long as he did? I mean, come on, how many episodes boiled down to "Megatron is within easy walking distance of winning when Starscream inappropriately pulls some traitorous act, allowing the Autobots to win because Megatron is too busy fending off the stupid bastard"? (mind you, I was thinking of it in terms of C++ code as an if-then statement...)
I'd have probably turned Starscream into an object lesson after the first time. But, you know, because I'm a bastard, I'd have done it like a performance evaluation.
Me (as Megatron): Ah, Starscream, come in, come in. Sit down.
Starscream: What do you want, Megatron?
Me: Well, there have been some problems with your performance lately.
Starscream: What? I'm in perfect working order! I am the most fit Decepticon on this base.
Me: No, no, not that. That's fine. I mean, when it comes to turning into a jet and doing strafing runs, there's really no-one better.
Starscream: Then what is it?
Me: Weeeell, you have to understand, there's been some concerns that your strafing runs should actually be targeting Autobots, not Decepticons who've pissed you off, or that you perceive as holding you back.
Starscream: But you are holding me back! I should lead the Decepticons!
Me: See, that's the problem right there. Management is not just believing you should lead, it's actual leadership ability.
Starscream: What.
Me: And that's why we're going to have to let you go.
Starscream: What
Me: Well, that, and trying to kill and/or depose me three times last week.
Starscream: I'm being fired?
Me: Think of it as an opportunity to explore other job options. Or.... *charging up of big laser cannon* I could melt you into slag right here.
Starscream: You know, I think I saw a help wanted sign at Radio Shack.
Me: See? Now there you go.
Mind you, this was more with the old cartoon in mind then anything else...
How did Starscream live as long as he did? I mean, come on, how many episodes boiled down to "Megatron is within easy walking distance of winning when Starscream inappropriately pulls some traitorous act, allowing the Autobots to win because Megatron is too busy fending off the stupid bastard"? (mind you, I was thinking of it in terms of C++ code as an if-then statement...)
I'd have probably turned Starscream into an object lesson after the first time. But, you know, because I'm a bastard, I'd have done it like a performance evaluation.
Me (as Megatron): Ah, Starscream, come in, come in. Sit down.
Starscream: What do you want, Megatron?
Me: Well, there have been some problems with your performance lately.
Starscream: What? I'm in perfect working order! I am the most fit Decepticon on this base.
Me: No, no, not that. That's fine. I mean, when it comes to turning into a jet and doing strafing runs, there's really no-one better.
Starscream: Then what is it?
Me: Weeeell, you have to understand, there's been some concerns that your strafing runs should actually be targeting Autobots, not Decepticons who've pissed you off, or that you perceive as holding you back.
Starscream: But you are holding me back! I should lead the Decepticons!
Me: See, that's the problem right there. Management is not just believing you should lead, it's actual leadership ability.
Starscream: What.
Me: And that's why we're going to have to let you go.
Starscream: What
Me: Well, that, and trying to kill and/or depose me three times last week.
Starscream: I'm being fired?
Me: Think of it as an opportunity to explore other job options. Or.... *charging up of big laser cannon* I could melt you into slag right here.
Starscream: You know, I think I saw a help wanted sign at Radio Shack.
Me: See? Now there you go.
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Most people would be halfway to the gun store by now. *grin*
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The Incident involved a few small arms, a neighbor's evil, stupid, annoying and destructive dog (all wrapped in one furry bundle), 17 water ballons filled with an oil based paint, a trampoline, a submarine dive horn and eventually seven policemen.
And it wasn't even a slow weekend.
The rest can be left up to the imagination.
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The Horrible Events in Nicaragua involved a full-body condom sprinked with silver glitter, three pygmy marsomets, a half-pound of melted gouda... and a nun went blind because of it. Blind.
To this day she's probably still kissing Mardi Gras beads instead of a rosary.
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But as much fun, fun I say, now that the Statute of Limitations has long since expired, as was had that day, it was not I sir, who acquired said marmosets, nor advocated their use.
And I was also assured that the gouda would remain fresh.
The only question that remains to this day, in my mind at least, was who was the midget in the white suit holding the camera working for? You? Or one of our competitors?
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As I recall, the midget left after someone kept calling him 'Tattoo'. And you, sir, look nothing like Ricardo Montalban.