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The rants
Two responses? And one of them from one of my brothers? Y'all suck.
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gurgi's rant: Kinko's customers:
What can be said that hasn't been said before? Not much. So I'll go into it all again.
Dear customers, tell you what, you stop assuming that I'm a moron because I work a low paying job, and I'll stop assuming you're a moron because you can't manage to copy your resume five times without asking me for help. No, that won't work. I'll still assume you're a moron.
Face facts, customer-types. If you're dealing with someone who has worked for Kinko's for more then a couple weeks, yes, they damn well know what double-sided copies are, they know what folding in half means, and if you're dealing with me, I probably have a much better idea of what you need done then you do. Stop assuming you know more because you're the customer. You don't. You fuckers forget to include linked pictures, specialty fonts, and sometimes you even give us the wrong goddamned floppy disk or CD.
And a special shout-out for you fuckwits doing theses and dissertations. You do not need to have every single chapter of the goddamned thing as a seperate file. There is a wonderful thing in MS word called a page break. Learn it. Love it. Use it. And I will go into the case of the fuckwit who wrote their report in Photoshop. No, not on Photoshop. In Photoshop. A 34 page paper. Every page was its' own layer. WHAT. THE. FUCK. That takes genius-level stupidity. The kind of stupidity you see in physicists who can manipulate sub-atomic particles, but can't find the turn signal to turn it off on the highway.
Finally, for the college students: Do not wait until the last minute. Just because my store is near the university does not mean that you fuckers are our only source of income. If I am running a $2000 dollar job on the machine that you want your fucking HRTM final report printed on, tough shit. In fact, if you want me to print your report, and I tell you to log on to one of the computers and do it yourself, fucking do what I tell you. You are not a special goddamn flower, and monkeys can be trained to hit Ctrl-P. If they can handle it, so can you.
egearman's rant: Spray cheese
Okay, what the fuck? I mean, what the fucking fuck? Spray cheese? SPRAY CHEESE? Look, monkey, keep your sexual deviancies out of my rants.
What? Oh, all right. You sick monkey.
What sick mind came up with the idea of spray cheese? Was some cheese afficionado spray painting a chair when he thought "You know, I bet you could do this with cheese. Mmmm. Cheese that sprays like paint." Who buys this stuff? I can't see any women sending their husbands to the store for this stuff. "Honey, remember to pick up bread, and milk, and diapers for little Davey, oh, and don't forget, the Wilsons are coming over tonight, you know they like spray cheese. We'd better stock up."
And you know the rich folks just love the stuff. Caviar, champagne, and there, next to the duck a la orange, spray cheese.
Who the fuck am I kidding? And it's not even real cheese. It's processed imitation cheese food. Let's break that down.
1) Processed: No shit, sherlock. I never would have guessed that a dairy product came in an aerosol form.
2) Imitation: Fake. Like fake dog shit. Or like fake vomit. I believe there's a pattern here.
3) Cheese food: O_o What, is this the stuff they feed to cheese? Link it with imitation, and it's not even the real stuff they feed to cheese.
Frankly, I would rather have my mouth scrubbed out with a used toilet brush then eat this stuff.
gurgi's rant: Kinko's customers:What can be said that hasn't been said before? Not much. So I'll go into it all again.
Dear customers, tell you what, you stop assuming that I'm a moron because I work a low paying job, and I'll stop assuming you're a moron because you can't manage to copy your resume five times without asking me for help. No, that won't work. I'll still assume you're a moron.
Face facts, customer-types. If you're dealing with someone who has worked for Kinko's for more then a couple weeks, yes, they damn well know what double-sided copies are, they know what folding in half means, and if you're dealing with me, I probably have a much better idea of what you need done then you do. Stop assuming you know more because you're the customer. You don't. You fuckers forget to include linked pictures, specialty fonts, and sometimes you even give us the wrong goddamned floppy disk or CD.
And a special shout-out for you fuckwits doing theses and dissertations. You do not need to have every single chapter of the goddamned thing as a seperate file. There is a wonderful thing in MS word called a page break. Learn it. Love it. Use it. And I will go into the case of the fuckwit who wrote their report in Photoshop. No, not on Photoshop. In Photoshop. A 34 page paper. Every page was its' own layer. WHAT. THE. FUCK. That takes genius-level stupidity. The kind of stupidity you see in physicists who can manipulate sub-atomic particles, but can't find the turn signal to turn it off on the highway.
Finally, for the college students: Do not wait until the last minute. Just because my store is near the university does not mean that you fuckers are our only source of income. If I am running a $2000 dollar job on the machine that you want your fucking HRTM final report printed on, tough shit. In fact, if you want me to print your report, and I tell you to log on to one of the computers and do it yourself, fucking do what I tell you. You are not a special goddamn flower, and monkeys can be trained to hit Ctrl-P. If they can handle it, so can you.
egearman's rant: Spray cheeseOkay, what the fuck? I mean, what the fucking fuck? Spray cheese? SPRAY CHEESE? Look, monkey, keep your sexual deviancies out of my rants.
What? Oh, all right. You sick monkey.
What sick mind came up with the idea of spray cheese? Was some cheese afficionado spray painting a chair when he thought "You know, I bet you could do this with cheese. Mmmm. Cheese that sprays like paint." Who buys this stuff? I can't see any women sending their husbands to the store for this stuff. "Honey, remember to pick up bread, and milk, and diapers for little Davey, oh, and don't forget, the Wilsons are coming over tonight, you know they like spray cheese. We'd better stock up."
And you know the rich folks just love the stuff. Caviar, champagne, and there, next to the duck a la orange, spray cheese.
Who the fuck am I kidding? And it's not even real cheese. It's processed imitation cheese food. Let's break that down.
1) Processed: No shit, sherlock. I never would have guessed that a dairy product came in an aerosol form.
2) Imitation: Fake. Like fake dog shit. Or like fake vomit. I believe there's a pattern here.
3) Cheese food: O_o What, is this the stuff they feed to cheese? Link it with imitation, and it's not even the real stuff they feed to cheese.
Frankly, I would rather have my mouth scrubbed out with a used toilet brush then eat this stuff.
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