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fiction
There was a man in front of my building railing against the government, spewing forth paranoid theories about how RFID tags had rendered him sterile, and other such tripe. I studied him for a few minutes, and then calmly, and for once, under the effects of possibly only two narcotics, kicked him square in the balls. He struggled to remain conscious in a small pool of his own vomit, as I explained to him that there was only room for one paranoid anti-government screamer on this block, and it damn well was me. Of course, I also let him know he wasn't wrong, and if he wanted to avoid a visit from men in black suits and monotone voices, he should surgically remove his own testicles and feed them to a stray dog. What the hell, either he's sterile already or this will make him so. Gullible bastard.
I also took his wallet. A picture of his wife and someone else's kid and thirty dollars, which was good for several hours worth of coffee and amusement at the local coffee-shop. Watching the neo-punk/goth kids try and out ignore each other was always good for a mild amusement, and I had enough pull with the employees to get some of the new coffee/cocaine genetic blends from Venezuala. Not a bad blend, with enough sugar added to kill the aftertaste, but the Thai consortiums will be kicking the shit out of them on overall supply within two years. Mark my words on that. I haven't been wrong about the drug cartels in a decade.
Off to work now. I have to lay seige to department stores in order to improve the genetic outlook of the next generation. Anyone who deliberately goes shopping the day after Christmas deserves to be removed from the gene pool. Or at the very least have the shit scared out of them as they look down the barrel of a LAW rocket. I must remember to take along enough dynamite to destroy any Hot Topic stores I run across.
I also took his wallet. A picture of his wife and someone else's kid and thirty dollars, which was good for several hours worth of coffee and amusement at the local coffee-shop. Watching the neo-punk/goth kids try and out ignore each other was always good for a mild amusement, and I had enough pull with the employees to get some of the new coffee/cocaine genetic blends from Venezuala. Not a bad blend, with enough sugar added to kill the aftertaste, but the Thai consortiums will be kicking the shit out of them on overall supply within two years. Mark my words on that. I haven't been wrong about the drug cartels in a decade.
Off to work now. I have to lay seige to department stores in order to improve the genetic outlook of the next generation. Anyone who deliberately goes shopping the day after Christmas deserves to be removed from the gene pool. Or at the very least have the shit scared out of them as they look down the barrel of a LAW rocket. I must remember to take along enough dynamite to destroy any Hot Topic stores I run across.
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