I can't make this up

[kierthos]

So, I've been seeing advertisements for this movie "Drag Me To Hell". Okay, looked like standard demonic horror schlock. So, what the hell, I checked wikipedia to see if there was anything on it there that would compell me to want to see this.

Rather the opposite occurred.

Christine Brown is a hard-working bank loan officer with a good life. With a promotion up in the air between her and another employee, her boss says she needs to demonstrate she can make the hard calls. When Mrs. Ganush, an elderly Slavic woman, ask for a third extension on her mortgage, Christine denies her in an attempt to prove herself. In desperation, Ganush prostrates herself before Christine, begging and kissing the hem of her skirt. As a crowd of customers and employees gathers, Christine panics and shoves the woman away, gravely insulting her. That night, Ganush, enraged and humiliated, exacts revenge by placing a curse upon Christine. Christine learns from a psychic that she is to be tortured for three days by a demon called the Lamia before being dragged into hell to burn for eternity.

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That's the plot?

Holy crap, that's bad. I mean, sure, okay, the housing market is still in the toilet, and I'm sure there are some people out there who wouldn't mind a few bank officials being dragged to the nether regions by cackling fiends, but come on....

This is early summer fare? I think not. Park this shit in the month of October and let it go. That's when your horror movies should be playing.

Was this some part of a Faustian deal? "Yes, Mr. Raimi, I will give you the Spider-Man franchise with the wealth and acclaim that it carries, but there will be a price. You will not be immune to having to direct piece-of-shit horror movies. Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!"

Comments

[the-paco.livejournal.com]

"How can we make a Stephen King novel WORSE, and yet try to show that we're making some kind of commentary or corollary might-have-been from current events and thus get a sales boost? Can we afford to not find out HOW crappy we can make this?"

[kostika.livejournal.com]

Ahh but you're missingthe good bit. It's written and directed by Sam Saimi

[kierthos.livejournal.com]

If it had Bruce Campbell in it, wearing a chainsaw and/or metal gauntlet on one hand, using a shotgun, etc., then I would not consider that a bad thing.

See, the Evil Dead movies are bad (no, no, hear me out), but they're bad in the way that they know that they're bad. They're over the top, campy horror. And I'm fine with that, because Bruce Campbell does that kind of badass really well. He's the guy that could not hold down a 9-5 office job, but the first one you want on your team when demons start erupting out of some gateway from Hell.

But this movie.... maybe I'm wrong. Maybe it will be over the top, campy horror. But I doubt it. The trailers seem to be playing it up as a standard horror "you're supposed to be scared, not laugh" horror movie.

And I think it's going to be amazingly bad as early summer fare.

Now, when Raimi is doing Spider-Man 4 and finally puts Bruce Campbell in as a major villain in the story (I'm thinking Mysterio), yeah, I'll want to see that. When the next Evil Dead movie comes out and Bruce Campbell is back as Ash, I'll want to see that.

This? Nooooooope.

[kierthos.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it really is just a shallow re-write of Thinner, isn't it?