You know what I want to see?

A vampire novel where the vampire is an ugly bastard. He's not a good guy, he's not an anti-hero. He's the bad guy. He's ugly, he thinks of humanity as food, and any bimbo DUMB enough to profess their undying love for him ends up as a midnight snack. None of this "noble predator" bullshit.

Any vampire hunter in the book should likewise not be pretty, in fact, should be heavily scarred, and misanthropic to boot. He despises humanity just slightly less then he despises vampires, only for humanity, it's because they're so fucking stupid.

Being turned into a vampire should have something like an 90% rate of failure, because after all, they shouldn't have a whole lot of practice at it (why make competition for a food source if you aren't required to breed to perpetuate the species?), and sometimes, even when one vampire manages to make another vampire, it's a savage beast that didn't react well to the transformation process and has to be put down with whatever instruments of mayhem are handy. Sledgehammering another vampire in the brain meats would work just as well as shooting them a lot.

No immortal vampires living a life of absolute luxury. Just being a vampire doesn't make you immune to making poor fucking business decisions. They would have to deal with the fact that being hundreds of years old means that they probably don't have a Social Security Number, or a valid driver's license, or maybe even major credit cards.

Steve Buscemi would play the male lead in the movie.