Gentlemen, behold!

A 2.1 million dollar car.

Seriously, anyone who buys one of these things has entirely too goddamned much money. Thankfully, the people at Wired still have a sense of humor about, well, everything, because where else are you going to see "Then they had to sacrifice 100 virgins and have the production facility in Molsheim, France, blessed by druids." in a write-up of any car?

A discourse on 4th edition Dungeons and Dragons

Some time back (just over a year ago), I reviewed some "early release versions" of 4th edition D&D. Well, I've been in a 4th ed campaign for a few weeks now, so I can talk authoritatively about the mechanics and whatnot.

Of course, if you have no intention of ever playing 4th ed., you can skip this post now. Really, I won't mind. I'll just sit here in the dark. Alone.

......

Anyway....

Just to get something in place here, I have played D&D since nigh unto the beginning of the game. I played Basic D&D back when the classes were Fighter, Mage, Thief, Cleric, Elf, Dwarf and Halfling. (Yes, classes of Elf, Dwarf and Halfling.) I've played Advanced, 2nd ed., 3rd ed./3.5, and several other fantasy RPGs.

4th ed., strictly speaking, is less of an RPG then any previous edition of Dungeons & Dragons. I defend this by pointing out that RPG stands for Role-Playing Game. While you do create a character, and you generally do fill a role in your adventuring party, 4th edition, more then any previous edition, is more about tactical miniature gaming.

I suppose I should defend that point a little.

In previous editions of the game, especially up through 2nd edition, you didn't need to have a grid map to play. Sure, it helped. But you didn't need one. A good GM could get by without it, saying that "yes you were" or "no you weren't" close enough to bash the orc with your mace (or whatever). Sure, some things required knowing, more or less, where everything and everyone was, but it wasn't necessary to have it precise.

3rd edition changed a lot of that by having more tactical thinking being required, to move, to attack, to make attacks of opportunity, to worry about cover, concealment, range, 5-foot steps, and so forth. If you didn't understand any of that, don't worry. All it means is that is the balance of evidence supports you having a life.

To continue, though, 4th edition made it even more complicated. You cannot do anything other the simplest combats (and sometimes not even then) without having a grid map out. Every single power, whether it's a fighter's attacks, a wizard's spells, or whatever... they all require knowing where your character is in relation to everyone and everything else.

Now, if you're into tactical miniature combat, like those Star Fleet Battles weirdos, or those truly sad Warhammer people (I'm kidding), you'll have a great old time with this.

But you had better be used to combats taking a while. One of the combats we've had in the game so far was a party of five adventurers (a fighter, a swordmage, a sorcerer, a paladin, and a shaman) versus four giant spiders. That was a relatively simple combat.... and it took AN HOUR.

To be fair, it would have taken less time if I could stop fucking missing with my spells. And that's another big change. Every attack, regardless of course, requires an attack roll. There's no more "auto-hitting" Magic Missile. There's no more "you were in the area of effect, so suck it" spells. It is possible for wizards to hurl spells that can cover a 25 foot x 25 foot block... and not hit a single creature in it. This works for the players too, as sometimes the GM seems to have my luck, and can't hit the side of a barn with a shotgun... from the inside.

But the role-playing, is.... lacking. Well, that's not entirely true. A good group can make any system one worth playing (and role-playing). Except possibly FATAL. And Synnibarr. But 4th edition D&D seems to almost go out of it's way to exclude role-playing in an effort to appeal to the MMO crowd, which as we all know, has the attention span of a concussed mayfly.

Don't get me wrong... I'm having fun in the game I'm in. But it's because of the people I'm playing with, not necessarily the mechanics.