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Apr. 9th, 2009
I stood there in the parking lot, the sodium lights flickering overhead.
"Sorry, I didn't catch that, could you repeat it?" I was amazingly calm, all things considered.
"Your wallet. Give me your wallet." The mugger had a cheap-ass switchblade out and was waving it at me. If he had been a crackhead, I'd probably be reacting differently, but he didn't come across as one.
"Nope. Sorry, that's not going to happen. But I'll tell you what. Why don't we go over there" I waved at a convenience store across the street "I'll buy a couple six-packs of beer, and we can talk about it."
"What?"
"I'm serious. I'll buy us some beer, and we can figure out what the fuck went wrong in our lives. I mean, seriously, when you were a kid, did you want to grow up to be a mugger?"
"Uhh... no. No, man, I wanted to play basketball." See, this was the fun part. I had him off balance. Most people would have panicked and played into the whole thing. Handing over their wallets, saying things like 'please don't hurt me'.
"So, you got a favorite type of beer?" We started across the street.
"Shiner Bock, if they have it."
"Cool, I like that too. Hey, put the knife up before we go in, don't want to freak out the clerk."
"Right. Right."
So, yeah, we went in, I bought a couple six-packs, and me and the mugger, his name's Paul, by the way, we chilled out in the parking lot for a few hours, trying to figure out where our childhood dreams had gone awry, just two guys shooting the shit and drinking some beer. He was doing the mugging thing to pay off some payday loan scam his mother got hooked into.
So, yeah, I felt sorry for him. Gave him one of my cards, told him to give me a call today, see if I can hook him up with a real job. I think I can get him in over in the repo department.
What? You're the one who asked how my weekend went.
"Sorry, I didn't catch that, could you repeat it?" I was amazingly calm, all things considered.
"Your wallet. Give me your wallet." The mugger had a cheap-ass switchblade out and was waving it at me. If he had been a crackhead, I'd probably be reacting differently, but he didn't come across as one.
"Nope. Sorry, that's not going to happen. But I'll tell you what. Why don't we go over there" I waved at a convenience store across the street "I'll buy a couple six-packs of beer, and we can talk about it."
"What?"
"I'm serious. I'll buy us some beer, and we can figure out what the fuck went wrong in our lives. I mean, seriously, when you were a kid, did you want to grow up to be a mugger?"
"Uhh... no. No, man, I wanted to play basketball." See, this was the fun part. I had him off balance. Most people would have panicked and played into the whole thing. Handing over their wallets, saying things like 'please don't hurt me'.
"So, you got a favorite type of beer?" We started across the street.
"Shiner Bock, if they have it."
"Cool, I like that too. Hey, put the knife up before we go in, don't want to freak out the clerk."
"Right. Right."
So, yeah, we went in, I bought a couple six-packs, and me and the mugger, his name's Paul, by the way, we chilled out in the parking lot for a few hours, trying to figure out where our childhood dreams had gone awry, just two guys shooting the shit and drinking some beer. He was doing the mugging thing to pay off some payday loan scam his mother got hooked into.
So, yeah, I felt sorry for him. Gave him one of my cards, told him to give me a call today, see if I can hook him up with a real job. I think I can get him in over in the repo department.
What? You're the one who asked how my weekend went.