I shit you not

Customer: I need to ship this package, and it needs to get there as soon as possible.
Me: Okay. *enters in package data, checks possible shipping times* The earliest it can get to the destination is Wednesday, and it costs X dollars.
Customer: What? Why is it taking so long?
Me: Well, it's not going to get picked up from here until Monday afternoon, and there aren't deliveries on Christmas...
Customer: Why not?
Me: Excuse me?
Customer: Why aren't there deliveries on Christmas?
Me: Because it's Christmas?


She left muttering something about how she gets water and power on Christmas...

Yeah, lady, the instant FedEx becomes a public utility, I'll let you know.

huh

I found a cell phone lying on the sidewalk. There was no one else in sight.

It's sitting on my desk now. Wonder when the owner will realize they dropped it and if they'll try and call it.

Edit: A couple minutes after I posted, the owner called, and his cell phone has been returned.

(no subject)

Guiliani says he's "cancer free".

Also, he is "heart free", "spine free" and "brain free".